


Another Part of Me

by Liza_Taylor



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Demisexual Bernadetta, Demisexuality, F/M, FE3H Kinkmeme, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sexual Fantasy, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:01:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liza_Taylor/pseuds/Liza_Taylor
Summary: Bernadetta thought she had her sexuality figured out, but now that she's having fantasies about Sylvain, well, it's a little more complicated than she originally thought.
Relationships: Sylvain Jose Gautier & Bernadetta von Varley, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Another Part of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 3H Kink[Meme](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/476.html?thread=1506524#cmt1506524)
> 
> Prompt: Just when Character A thinks they have it all figured out, they'd be contented never having sex in their lives, they're happy having nonsexual platonic or romantic relationships and nothing more, they get a little too close to someone they love and realize, oh, shit, THIS is what I've been missing out on??? Sexual attraction can be weird and scary to experience for the first time when you've gotten used to the idea that you'll never have it, and this is no exception.
> 
> Smut is optional, but I'd love some focus on Character A's sexual fantasies, kind of tempered by their own confusion and panic from it all. Either a mere crush or established relationship with Character B happily willing to accept never having sex with Character A are cool. And don't take this as a Must-Have, but some of my favorite ace/demi/a-spec in general headcanons are: Caspar, Felix, Ingrid, Edelgard, and Leonie.

Bernadetta thought she had everything figured out.

She knew she was different than a lot of her friends. She never saw an interest in having any sort of sexual relationship and sure it had taken her a while to accept that but she was finally able to do so. She was asexual and knew she was never going to have a sexual relationship with anyone. However it didn’t mean she didn’t know how to love, and felt genuine romantic attraction to Sylvian. And much to her surprise, Sylvain felt the same way about her, him willing to be with her even if it meant he would never get any sexual intimacy from her. The closest they’ve ever gotten was the time he kissed her on the lips and that was a bit unpleasant. She felt bad about it but he insisted over and over again he wanted to be with her for the person she was, not for her body. Which was a far cry from the boy that slept around with everyone during their academy days.

Now that the war was over and done with and they were able to spend more time courting each other and building up a relationship, Bernadetta was starting to notice something odd whenever she was with Sylvain. Whenever he held her hand or gently kissed her on the forehead, she wanted something more. She had the urge to grab his shirt and pull him in to kiss her on the lips.

Sometimes when she lay in bed, her thoughts would slip to Sylvain, thinking about him on top of her, slowly trailing kisses down her neck, her hands roaming her body, touching it in places she herself never did. She always snapped out of these sort of thoughts with an ache in the pit of her stomach, and a wetness in between her legs.

She always liked reading the trashy romance novels, it was one of her guilty pleasures, although she tended to skim over the sex scenes. Now though, whenever she read one, her thoughts would picture her and Sylvain in those positions. Sylvain propping her against a wall, kissing her with a feverish intensity, them in a field, Sylvain pulling her onto the grass, his hands slipping under her dress to grasp at a breast.

The thoughts seemed to be getting worse and worse and were now invading her daytime hours. She hated how the ache in her stomach seemed to come and go whenever it pleased, leaving her with confused thoughts. What was wrong with her?

This wasn’t her at all.

“Hey Bernie you in there?” Sylvain came up behind her and put a chaste kiss on her cheek.

Bernadetta let out an involuntary shriek and put a hand over her cheek, her eyes wide as she looked at Sylvain with a mix of horror and fear.

“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that.” Sylvain gave her a sheepish grin and put a hand on the back of his neck. “I wanted to surprise you though.” He held out his arms. “I’m here to spend the whole weekend with you Bernie!”

Dread pooled in her stomach. “You…are?” What was she supposed to do with her thoughts in a jumbled mess like this? Before he had poked her, she was having another one of her fantasies. This one of her sitting in his lap, his hands reaching under her skirt…

“Are you feeling okay Bernie?’ He leaned in to get a good look at her face. “Your face is pretty red.”

“I’m fine,” she stammered, looking away, hating that her first thought was to attempt to kiss him on the lips. Really now, where were her thoughts going? Why was she like this?

“Come on Bernie, we’ve been together for a while now, I can tell something is bothering you.” He reached for her and she couldn’t help her shriek as she jumped out of range. The look of hurt and surprise made her heart ache as he pulled his hand back. She knew he was sensitive to that sort of thing, always worrying if he was overstepping his bounds with her. For Sylvain the border between platonic and sexual wasn’t always clear but he had been working hard over the past couple of years to learn how he could show her affection and care without making it uncomfortable for her.

“It’s not…it’s not you’re fault,” she managed to get out. She wrung her hands together, wishing the churning in her stomach would go away. She also remembered one of her trashy novels had a scene similar to this, the hero and heroine having an argument that led to some intense sex, part of it with her sitting on the table as he fucked her.

She hated how her eyes involuntarily darted down to look at his pants before focusing back on Sylvain’s face. His concern, hurt face.

“Bernie, you don’t need to hold back for my sake and you know it. What happened? What did I f-up this time? Was it when we were horse-riding together? I’m really sorry your horse ended up being such a monster. Next time I’m definitely going to make sure you get someone docile.”

She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head miserably. “It’s not you Sylvain, it’s me.”

“It’s you? What do you mean?”

He took a few steps towards her and she let out another small shriek and backed up. He was already too close, if he was closer, her thoughts would go in that direction again. So far she had been good at not thinking those things in his presence but she knew she couldn’t hold herself back from that anymore.

“Bernie, come on now,” he said softly.

She shook her head and took a couple more steps back, her back hitting the wall. Looking around in a half panic, she realized there was nowhere for her to go, Sylvian had already stepped forward, closing the gap so there was less than an inch of space between them.

“Bernie, you’re shaking.” He reached for her cheek, stopping before he touched her.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she whispered.

“What’s…” Sylvain’s expression darkened. “Did your father say something?”

She shook her head. “No…nothing like that. It’s just me…all me. I have to be messed up, there’s something wrong with me.”

She jumped as Sylvian hugged her tight, seemingly trying to hug the shivers out of her. “There’s nothing wrong with you Bernie.”

“There is!” she insisted, her face buried in his shoulder. Sylvain’s musky scent was usually comforting to her but now her stupid brain was wondering if that scent would change if they did something. Sylvian would probably know the answer to that, being as he was someone who had a lot of sexual experience. He insisted that he hadn’t been with anyone after they got together.

“Shhh, it’s okay Bernie…” Sylvain rubbed lazy circles on her back.

“Stop being so nice to me,” she whispered. If only he knew what kind of thoughts were running through her head about him. He would hate her!

“Of course I’ll be nice to you, you’re my Bernie Bear. And I’m not going to let you go until you tell me what’s wrong. What kind of thoughts are you having?”

“You’ll hate me.”

“I won’t.”

She buried her face in his chest and took a few shaky breathes. “I’ve been having weird thoughts recently about you Sylvain. I don’t know where they are coming from or why this is happening but it is and it…scares me.”

“Come on Bernie, it can’t be that bad. You don’t want to murder me in my sleep right?” His arms around her stiffened. “Do you want to break up?”

“No! Nothing like that!” Although if they did breakup, would that save Sylvain from her own thoughts?

“Good then we can work through whatever it is. Hang on, you didn’t give me a no to the murder thing. Is that what it is!?”

The corner of her mouth twitched for a smile. She knew he was purposefully being silly to help her relax. “I keep having thoughts about _doing_ stuff with you,” she said softly.

Sylvain was quiet and she kept her face buried in his chest so she wouldn’t have to see his expression. It was probably a good sign he didn’t pull away but he wasn’t saying anything.

“What do you mean by ‘doing stuff’?” he asked finally.

She shuddered. Of course he didn’t know what she meant. The Bernie he knew was soft and innocent, she didn’t think of things like that. What if this was what scared him away? What if he didn’t want to be with her anymore because of it? However it wasn’t like she could hide it from him though. Sylvain had already picked up that something was wrong with her. 

“Sexual stuff,” she whispered.

“Wait…what?” Sylvain pulled away from her. Bernadetta knew it, he didn’t want to be with someone like her, someone that thought those things…

Bernadetta startled, realizing that Sylvain was looking at her with concern and confusion. He had one arm against the wall behind her as he looked down at her. “Bernie, what do you mean? Explain.”

She looked down at her feet and wiggled her toes. Since she was in her house, she didn’t bother with shoes. “It’s been happening a lot recently,” she whispered. “I keep having thoughts about us doing sexual stuff. Kissing sure, but like more than that. Touching, petting…having sex,” she whispered.

“You’ve been having sexual fantasies…about me…” Sylvain put a hand over his mouth, his face taking on a shade of red.

“I don’t know why it’s happening, I thought I had everything figured out about me but then, I’m having thoughts like this and I don’t know what to do…I’m scared Sylvain.” That’s what it was wasn’t it? She was scared of this part of her that was never there before.

“Do you want to do it in real life too?”

She looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

“Do you want to actually have sex with me?”

“I…I don’t know. I don’t know anymore. I thought I knew before but now I don’t. You probably hate this don’t you Sylvain? Bernie is a weirdo…”

“You aren’t weird!” Sylvain hugged her tight again, his hand protectively against the back of her head. “You’re just trying to figure yourself out.” He was silent for a moment. “I’ve had fantasies about you too Bernie. It’s normal, at least for someone like me.”

She looked up at him, wide-eyed. “You…you have?”

He cleared his throat and seemed to be staring at the wall behind her. “Well, of course. You’re my girlfriend and you’re adorable and well I like to think of something while I’m...” He groaned. “Okay, this is super awkward to talk about out loud, but I have fantasized about you before.” He shook his head and looked down at her. “I’ve heard about people that need to know someone super well in order for them to feel sexual attraction, maybe that’s how it is for you too?”

“It’s a thing?” Bernadetta’s eyes widen.

Sylvain nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know too much about it but I can ask around for more information but I’ve heard of it being a thing. Does that sound like what you’re going through?”

“Oh…maybe…” It was comforting to know that this wasn’t something only she was going through. That helped curve some of the panic welling inside of her.

“Do you want to try kissing again?”

“Sure,” she whispered. Maybe this would help clarify everything swirling inside of her.

Sylvain’s kiss was gentle at first, obviously testing her. At first she let him, he was way more of an expert on this kissing thing that she was but soon she was getting impatient and she began kissing him back, her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer to her.

As she pulled away to get some air, her face was red but Sylvian looked even more frazzled than her. She touched her lips, confused to where in the world that had come from.

“Well, uh, I guess that answers that question then,” he said as he cleared his throat.

Bernadetta was shocked herself. Last time she had stood still when he kissed her, not really sure what to do with herself and this time, she had kissed him back. “I….uh…I’m sorry Sylvain.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he said quickly. He gave her a gentle smile and lightly kissed her forehead. “Would it weird to say I’m happy that I can share another part of myself with you?”

Bernadetta blushed. “S…Sylvain.”

“Damn that was super corny.” He shivered before he took her hand and gently led her to couch. He sat down first and then pulled her into his lap and rested his head on her shoulder. “I don’t know how much you want to try this weekend but I’m open to anything you want to do or how far you want to go.”

Bernadettta blushed, he said this kind of stuff before but this time it had a whole other implication to it. “Maybe we could do this kissing thing a bit more?”

He grinned. “Whatever you say.”


End file.
